I Want One of These Things RIGHT NOW.

It’s the only way a grown man does not look ridiculous practicing his “Hadoken” stance.

I shall be watching his career with great interest.

Let’s recap:

1.  He plays Guitar Hero, reflected on a mirror…

2.  Specifically, “Mr. Crowley” by Ozzy Osbourne, a particularly difficult song…

3.  While solving a Rubik’s Cube…

4.  MAKE THAT TWO.

This kid is one day going to be the coolest kid in Mensa.  He’s going to go to college, earn his Master’s in Structural Engineering in three years, and end up making more money in a week than I will ever make in my life.  Seriously, I have never solved a Rubik’s Cube and I have problem playing the most basic of video games after a couple o’ cold ones: there is no way I will ever be able to replicate his feat–not without some serious gene therapy and perhaps cybernetic implants.

I just hope he remembers the little people when he has become the Earth Ambassador to the Skivarian Empire and married an exotic alien princess.

Originally seen on Joystiq.

Warp Six. Engage.

My bedroom is pretty dorky.  There are action figures hanging on the wall.  I have a framed The Matrix poster.  I have Star Wars lithographs, katanas, and that low hum you hear: every single one of my electronic gadgets running in beautiful harmony.

But this room?

If I walked into somebody’s room and they had this mural plastered on their walls, I couldn’t contain my laughter; nor could I resist reminding them that they will never kiss a girl.

Bah, who am I kidding?  I’d go “AWESOME!” and find the nearest chair or stool and sit down, and I would be all like “Fire Phasers!” and “On-Screen” and “Computer, adjust temperature to mild” and I would look at something that looks like one of those things that spontaneously generates food and I would say “Red Bull.  Chilled.”

Of course, this should be the deck from the Enterprise from The Next Generation, because we all know that was the best Star Trek (well, the best Captain anyway).

What to Play, What to Play?

I never thought I’d reached a point in my life where I said I had too many games to play.  Between my regular online activity in WoW, Halo 3, Left 4 Dead, Gears of War 2, and now Street Fighter IV, I have yet to finish BioShock and Half-Life 2.  Plus, reading comics again has got me wanting to play Marvel Ultimate Alliance so bad I can taste it (and it tastes like bacon) and there is always Conan, a game I bought for sentimental value and ended liking quite a bit.

I tell you, it’s like being in an arcade with unlimited quarters: both awesome and intimidating.

Let’s not forget that I like to do other stuff in my free time as well, such as write articles and short stories for (hopeful) publication, read, and listen to music.

I just need to quit my job.  Any rich girls want a husband? 

I Want This Pen

The Cold Steel Pocket Shark is the greatest pen known to man, because it is the only pen with which you can silently kill your enemies after signing a check or a greeting card.

From the official website:

“…it’s built for impact and, in a self-defense emergency it can become an efficient Yawara stick for driving off an attacker. Plus, the screw-top cap will stay in place and won’t pop off like a regular marker’s cap would when you strike a percussion blow, or when obtaining joint locks or submission holds.”

Percussion blow?  Joint locks?  SUBMISSION HOLDS?  Holy fark, this pen should be a weapon in Alpha Protocol!

Seriously, you know you want this pen just to tell your friends that you have a pen that doubles as a close-quarters-combat weapon.

I read about this pen on Gizmodo by the way.

Your Head Will A-Splode with awesome

First, my most recent article for WomenGamers.com can be found here.  It’s an interview with some stand-out musicians from OverClocked Remix.  Check it out, and then drop by OCR’s site for some video game music goodness.

I picked this video up from Outer Heaven.  Not only is it pretty funny, but it’s rather thought-provoking: just how would competitive multiplayer using Fallout 3’s V.A.T.S. system play?  More like a traditional board game I’m sure.  I think it could work.  For now, we’ll just live with this pretty cool bit.

This video came to me courtesy of EXTRALIFE.  Funny stuff, and further proof that Batman is both the most awesome superhero ever and the easiest one to spoof, all at once.

I don’t know about you, but I actually kind of want to go out and get Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe right now because of that video.

Finally, speaking of Batman and video games, here’s the latest trailer for Batman: Arkham Asylum, one of the games I’m looking forward to the most.  Even if the game is half as good as it looks, it’s going to be pretty sweet; now, how about that sandbox Gotham City game, eh?

Further Proof that Everybody Should see the Classic Trilogy ALL THE WAY THROUGH

Star Wars explained by somebody who somehow managed to have never seen it.

Seriously: how do people NOT see the Classic Trilogy?  I mean, really?

Please Tell Me Why I Find This Picture So Disturbing.

How to Build Manhood, Step 1: Order a Really Big Case for It

I’m growing impatient regarding my new computer.  You see, I’ve decided to build one myself to save a little money and learn a few new things, but I don’t have all the funds necessary to purchase all the parts straight-away.  I did, however, have the funds to buy the case, the operating system, and a sweet gaming mouse: which I did.

The mouse came in the mail yesterday.  I used it to play WoW and I must say: I understand why it set me back sixty bucks.  That mouse is awesome: with a really high CPI setting, I’m zipping my cursor across the screen like lightning.  Five buttons let me put more of my abilities at reach with a single click, and I can see how it will come in quite handy for FPS games.  Oh, and it feels great.  Steel Series Ikrai, by the way.

The OS will be Vista Home Premium.  Nothing really hot there.  I’m sure I’ll be upgrading to Windows 7 when it drops; I’ll go 64-bit then.  I’m getting the OEM version of Vista, meaning I have one option and one option only: clean install.  OEM is an acronym for Original Equipment Manufacturer; it’s the version that Dell and Gateway and the like buy in bulk to install on their machines.  It’s much, much cheaper to buy OEM, but since it’s not retail (and it’s intended to be slapped onto a brand new hard drive anyway), you can’t use it to upgrade an older OS nor is it eligible for any instant upgrades that Microsoft offers for retail versions: such as getting the DVD that lets you turn a 32-bit Vista system into a 64-bit Vista system.  To go 64-bit now, I’ll need to wipe the OS and re-install a 64-bit OEM version (buying it all over again), or spend just as much money on an upgrade to Vista Ultimate.  Yeah, I’ll wait for Win7 and get the upgrade then.

The case, however, is a delicious monster.  It arrived today via UPS, while I was at work.  My aunt called me and told me that it was quite heavy: the delivery man carried it into the house and she sort of slid the box into my room.  When I got home, I opened it up and saw myself looking at the most ginormous piece of steel I had ever seen outside of a construction yard.  The technician who is assisting me in this process suggested going with a full tower case so that I have lots of room to work with, so I picked up the Cooler Master 932 HAF.

After taking the incredibly awesome piece of awesomeness out of the box, I came to a realization: my computer is going to be a penis extension.  That’s right.  I don’t have a muscle car or a yacht.  I don’t live in a sweet flat and I don’t have a grill that practically cooks for you.  I don’t have most of the things dudes have to ascert their masculinity, to show their dominance, to appeal to the ladies.  My computer, however, will end up having bigger balls than Brian Johnson of AC/DC, what with the LED fans and the ATI Radeon HD 4850 graphics card and 2 GB of memory; let’s not forget that my family’s chihuahua could use the chassis as an apartment, with room for the guinea pig to crash once in a while.

Yeah, my computer is going to be awesome.  It’s going to be big and fast and awesome.  I can’t wait.

I hope that this is what the World of Warcraft movie will be like.

I don’t much care for the choice of music, but an opening sequence like this to a full-length WoW movie would be quite possibly the most awesome thing ever.

Saw that clip on EXTRALIFE by the way.